I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
