Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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