I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Couch. On fire.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
