just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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