i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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