Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
