Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
