Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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