My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you traded sex for a burrito?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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