I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
