He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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