Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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