but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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