So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
