We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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