8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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