Say something about gay babies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
