we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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