i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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