i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
