Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
