chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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