brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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