is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
