ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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