I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
