Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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