I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
