Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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