so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize