the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if only i could text you this smell
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
