There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
