I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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