I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
