You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
