for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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