Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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