Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
