Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
