Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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