You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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