Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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