I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
