Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
