he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
