So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
