Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
