I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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