and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
