i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
