I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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