Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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