After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
