When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
