If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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