oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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