come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
