you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
