she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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