ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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