i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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