You can't special order awesome
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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