Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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