Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
