Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
