In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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