yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
